Chapter 1268: Self-Conceit and Self-Binding

Xia Song's heartbeat was still racing, and he said hoarsely after a while:

"What I dreamed about just now...were you the one who did it?"

After waking up, he immediately realized how logically absurd the changes he had just experienced were, but that was how dreams were, no matter how absurd the developments were, they would somehow become reasonable in the dream, making it impossible for people to notice anything was wrong, and thus being treated as extremely realistic. Dreams are involved in emotional whirlpools.

But how could someone be able to accurately control other people's dreams? Has this world become so magical without realizing it...?

"Not."

In the midst of doubts, the blind girl replied with a soft voice, "It's you who decides what you see."

Xia Song was startled.

He quickly recalled it (and grunted due to the needle-like headache), and it was indeed true. Most of the things in the dream were inferences he had made in the car before, but he was still rational at the time and quickly took action on his own. After rejecting these groundless conjectures, the dream just now dug them out again and further demonized them, so the negativity evolved into nightmares.

"Sense, read, cut off, modulate..."

The blind woman in white robe stretched out her hand and scribbled in the air with her fingertips. She spoke like she was singing, "Human emotions are waveforms that are constantly jumping, and sound can adjust them."

She tilted her head and "looked" at Xia Song, her empty eyes seemed to be staring at him, but also seemed to be looking at something else through him.

"I switched you from the memory channel to the fear channel, and that's it."

What? It makes me sound like a radio.

The blind girl's strange explanation made Xia Song couldn't help but vomit in his heart.

Perhaps because of the complaints, he felt much better and was no longer as frightened as before.

……etc!

Xia Song raised his heart suddenly. After just a few words, why did he relax unconsciously? Could it be that there was something hidden in the woman's voice that he didn't know about——

A shallow, crisp, music box-like chuckle sounded.

"Dark blue." The blind girl closed her eyes and smiled at Xia Song, "There is deep red inside the dark blue, like bubbles on the surface of a quagmire, slowly swelling up, breaking, and then slowly forming a new one... "

"What?" Xia Song was confused and surprised.

"You are mainly alert and nervous. Although you are scared, you suppress the fear again and again with calmness, so that you can always maintain a state that is convenient for communication and thinking. Well, you are very strong and very sharp."

"! Who are you?" His emotions were completely seen through, and Xia Song's vigilance was fully reflected on his face.

In just a few minutes, his expression probably changed more than he had in a whole day.

This guy in front of me... is a weirdo, a complete weirdo. The strange words and strange abilities made him feel close to her with just a few words not only in dreams, but even when he was awake, but he still knew nothing about her identity and purpose.

It's dangerous and scary, and should never be taken lightly.

"Okay." The blind girl jumped down from the window sill lightly, and Xia Song discovered that there was a violin where she was sitting.

"Now that you have discovered it, and this discovery has caused a backlash, then..."

The blind girl's voice suddenly changed, "In the coming time, I will stop comforting you."

The flat and cold tone made Xia Song frown unconsciously. If he hadn't heard it with his own ears, he would never have imagined that other than a deliberate imitation show, anyone in the world could make such a mechanical and emotionless voice.

Snap.

The blind girl pressed the switch, and the indoor light came from scratch, from dark to bright, and then softly transitioned to normal lighting brightness after a while, saving Xia Song's eyes the time to adapt to the light.

Contrary to expectations, the room was empty, with nothing in it. Instead, there was a frosted glass door in the corner, which looked like a bathroom.

"I guess the instrument and display screen will cause you unnecessary panic." The blind woman said calmly.

He added: "The evaluator of the special department of Qinyi Technology, Qin Yuqiao, is responsible for the special assessment and quality evaluation of Xia Song, the chief designer of product No. MN-4-001, a member of QianSe."

A belated self-introduction.

After hearing these words, especially after hearing the clearly spelled product number, Xia Song's heart finally fell back into his stomach. But after two seconds, the heart in his stomach went uncontrollably. sink.

"Before you rejoice, 'It's Qinyi Technology and feel relieved' and worry, 'Did my performance just fail the assessment?', I only personally suggest that you go to the bathroom to calm down, wash your face, or take a shower, it depends. for you.”

Qin Yuqiao mercilessly revealed what Xia Song was thinking.

"..." Xia Song stood up awkwardly, "Okay, Miss Qin..."

He has actually pronounced the first half of the word "老" in "teacher", but even in the current situation, Xia Song must persist. Not everyone can be called "Teacher Qin" like this.

Qin Yuqiao didn't seem to be dissatisfied with Xia Song's change of words. On the contrary, she smiled slightly.

Xia Song didn't know this, he had already turned around and walked towards the bathroom in the corner.

After entering the door, he placed his hands on both sides of the sink and raised his head.

Using the word "embarrassing" to describe the guy in the mirror was an understatement. Xia Song looked at him for a while, then lowered his head and sighed.

"That sucks," he whispered.

After a moment's hesitation, Xia Song touched his back that was soaked with cold sweat, then walked into the cubicle and took a hot shower.

After washing, he regretted a little, because there was no change of clothes here, and the only thing he could wear was a bathrobe.

Bathrobe...it's too rude.

Although Qin Ke usually doesn't mind things like appearance and dress, this is an important assessment after all... Tsk, why didn't you want to be more thoughtful when you made the decision to take a bath just now? I was really——

"I see, I understand."

Qin Yuqiao's voice came from the small speaker in the corner of the ceiling. Xia Song bounced on the spot, like a frightened cat that wanted to explode its fur, but couldn't because its fur was wet.

"...Miss Qin." Cat slowly put on the bathrobe and said slowly, "What is my mood now?"

He could react to his mood changes from dozens of meters away. This evaluator's ability was unfathomable. He showed off.

"Anxious, frustrated, trying to calm down." Qin Yuqiao paused, "and thankful that I didn't go to the toilet just now."

Xia Song: "..."

Xia Song: "You don't need to say the last sentence."

Qin Yuqiao smiled.

"This is also part of the issue." Her voice returned to softness, "Mr. Xia Song, your burden is too heavy, in every sense of the word."

Xia Song was silent.

After a short while, he asked:

"Instructor...Director Cheng sent you here to evaluate me because I am used to hiding my thoughts and no one can lie in front of you?"

"I act according to orders and don't pay attention to the specific considerations of my superiors." Qin Yuqiao answered lightly, skipping the first half of the sentence.

Xia Song slowly exhaled: "I understand."

He picked up a towel and put it over his head and walked out in his bathrobe.

The layout of the room has undergone some changes compared to before. The soft and delicate carpet covers the cold tiles. A thick velvet sofa is placed in the center. Next to it is a solid wood coffee table. There is a heated coaster on the coffee table and a cup of hot cocoa. , the heat is rising.

Not far away, Qin Yuqiao's back was turned to this side. His long hair that had been let down before was now fixed on the back of his head with shark clippers. A few strands of hair hung casually on his shoulders, and another strand was wrapped between her fingers.

Xia Song stepped on the carpet and instead of sitting on the sofa, he slumped against the side of the sofa and hid half-hidden in the shadow.

He stretched out his hand, tested the temperature of the mug with the back of his hand, and then cupped the hot cocoa into his palm.

"So...what is the problem I exposed?"

Qin Yuqiao's voice was very soft, but somehow it reached Xia Song's ears accurately: "What do you think?"

After a brief silence, Xia Song took a breath:

"Arrogance. In other words, taking yourself too seriously."

Qin Yuqiao listened quietly.

"My life has been too smooth, and the ups and downs I encountered along the way, compared to the real sufferings, are like the standard plot in a cool novel where the protagonist is bound to be provoked by the supporting characters. From the beginning, it is destined to end with a comeback.

“I’m a lucky guy who’s pampered.

“My family is well off and my parents are loving. Being excluded as a student caused basically zero harm to me, because rather than them isolating me, it’s better to say that I was isolating them.

"I only have hobbies and no dreams. Shi Yan gave me one.

"When he... looked at me seriously with those eyes, I decided that my dream was to help Shi Yan realize his dream.

"I'll do this for the rest of my life."

Xia Song stopped and took a sip of hot cocoa. The sweet aroma rising up warmed his cheeks.

"...so sweet."

"Don't you like it?" Qin Yuqiao raised his hand and gently poked the empty color block in front of him.

In the warm and bright orange ocean, drops of light pink outline the outline of sunflowers, forming a long bridge of flowers under the faint rose-red glow.

"Shi Yan prefers." Xia Song did not answer yes or no.

He was silent for a short moment and then said:

"Sister Liu is a sincere agent. She has thought a lot for us and done a lot of practical things. The appearance of the teacher has changed everything. Without him, we would not be where we are today. The training of the instructors comes from another level. If the teacher has given us Soul, then what he casts for us is a body that can carry this soul.

“I, on my part, was just as grateful as my teammates at the beginning, and worked hard with trepidation and pressure — in a good sense — to respond to the expectations.

“But unknowingly, I take everything I have for granted.”

Xia Song's thumb groped the side of the mug.

“I fell into a misunderstanding, a trap called ‘God rewards those who work hard’.”

In front of his eyes, the scene of those young and girls whose faces could not be seen clearly being carefully taught by Qin Jue appeared.

"I have always firmly believed: 'Because I worked hard, I deserve the rewards I receive.'

“But that’s actually not the case.

"Besides the 5% of hard work, what really got me and us where we are today is 95% of luck."

"I didn't know anything when I was 14 or 15 years old. When I first entered the entertainment industry, I joined Yangliu Entertainment, a company with few scandals and unwritten rules. It was luck; the first time I signed the contract, I signed it under the name of a responsible agent like Sister Liu. "It's luck; not to mention meeting the teacher later..." Xia Song shook his head and laughed, "It's basically the best of luck, and the probability is no less than that of a meteorite hitting the earth."

“These are not things that can be exchanged for just saying ‘I worked hard’.

“I was just lucky enough to avoid a lot of not-so-wonderful destiny nodes and walk on a smooth path.”

He lowered his head and stared at the face reflected in the warm brown liquid.

"Being spoiled, and therefore forgetting reverence and humility."

What responded to this conclusion was the sound of the violin, which was a melodious and poetic melody. The few notes outlined the warm and peaceful spring.

Xia Song closed his eyes and allowed his thoughts to be switched to the "peaceful channel" by this strange and powerful evaluator.

He had to admit that this was indeed an effective way to soothe his emotions.

After a while, the sound of the piano faded, and Xia Song leaned his head a little under the armrest of the sofa, and made a murmur-like sound from his lips soaked in hot cocoa.

"There is no end to learning..."

He also uses music to drive and guide the audience's emotions, but in comparison, he is still too good.

I really don’t know where I got the capital to be so proud and complacent before.

Xia Song let out a dark-grey sigh and took the initiative to speak again.

"Miss Qin." He asked, "What is the issue you mentioned before?"

"You have already solved part of it." Qin Yuqiao replied, "Your introspection is deeper than I expected."

She smiled: "Thank you for reducing my workload."

"My pleasure." Xia Song put the hot cocoa back on the heating coaster, "But it seems that you are really assessing psychological quality?"

"Generally yes."

"What will happen if I fail the assessment?" Xia Song asked softly.

There was the sound of turning pages from Qin Yuqiao: "Mr. Xia Song, what have you dreamed about before?"

"...just ignore my question..."

Xia Song frowned, feeling uncomfortable for a moment, but then he subtly realized that something was wrong with him, and muttered to himself to dismiss this trivial matter.

"I can't remember some places clearly, but it was roughly three, no, four dreams."

As he recalled it, he began to retell it from the most recent nightmare. When he said, "We don't exist in this timeline," he smiled to himself. When he said, "It's not the teacher who came," and "The teacher didn't come at all," he sounded a little more Fear after separation, mixed with a little bit of slight loss and grievance.

"In the end, the dream I had at the beginning was..."

Xia Song's voice deepened as he narrated. He interrupted several times, holding up hot cocoa, or letting out a self-consciously ridiculous laugh between his teeth, before continuing.

"--That's it.

“I take myself too seriously, and subconsciously feel that without me everything will go haywire. I don’t know whether to call it arrogance or stupidity.

"But, no matter what, I was reckless in provoking Luo Ling, and I will take it as a warning."

Xia Song drank the remaining hot cocoa in the cup. He usually wouldn't talk so much unless he was practicing rap lyrics.

Qin Yuqiao did not comment on his self-evaluation and only said:

"The core problem is not here."

Xia Song's hand holding the glass stopped in mid-air, and there were some dark brown water stains on the corners of his lips that he hadn't had time to lick clean.

Unexpected answer.

He frowned, put the mug down, and wiped the corner of his mouth with his index finger.

"what is that?"

"Could it be that the fear in my heart stems from my lack of confidence in my own abilities, so I visualized a messy ending in my dream?"

When Xia Song said this, his tone was teasing, and it was obvious that he didn't believe it.

Qin Yuqiao also chuckled twice.

"How could it be?" she said briskly. "You were very stable when you were doing self-examination, especially when you expressed 5% effort and 95% luck. There was no underestimation of your own value and self-ability."

"What's more, after experiencing so many trainings and performances, if any of you still feels inferior, it only means that the teachings of Teacher Qin and Instructor Cheng have failed."

"——That's even more impossible." Xia Song answered calmly.

"exactly."

"So," Xia Song straightened his upper body and his face emerged from the shadows, "What is the real reason?"

"perfectionism."

Xia Song suddenly paused.

"Because you care too much, you set extremely high standards in your heart and pursue impeccable performance. At the same time, in order to achieve your goals, you strive to firmly control every link and detail in your own hands to ensure that they are all in accordance with The planned development you envisioned.

“I reviewed some of your rehearsal videos before this.

"You are very gentle, Mr. Xia Song. Your pathological perfectionism causes you to magnify the small parts infinitely and cannot tolerate 'things go wrong.' But this harshness has never been directed towards your teammates, because you believe it from the bottom of your heart. Even if they make a mistake, they will do their best next time.

"So your rehearsal process is harmonious and stable, so your teammates don't notice anything strange. It's also difficult to know whether you privately want to keep the lighting angle as it is or lower it by 5°, whether the intro should be a back shot or a fore shot." We repeatedly studied a series of subtle issues such as whether the cross-field image fades in and out or goes straight in and out. "

Speaking of this, Qin Yuqiao paused for two seconds.

"Your breath has turned blood red. Do you need to rest?"

"..." Xia Song took a deep breath, "No, continue."

“Perfectionism and low self-esteem are two similar but different things.”

Qin Yuqiao shifted the topic slightly away from the topic, "Your self-denial does not stem from low self-esteem, lack of confidence, or excessive concern about the evaluation of others, but because you regard yourself as a part of the plan, and you are an equal I feel strongly dissatisfied and dissatisfied with everything that went wrong and condemned it.”

"By the way, can I ask you why your mood suddenly deteriorated three seconds after you walked out of the bathroom?"

"...There is no change of clothes." Xia Song's voice was in his mouth, "In my opinion, the assessment is something that needs to be taken seriously. Even if it is not formal attire, at least it should not be a bathrobe."

He already understood what Qin Yuqiao meant.

"For multiple reasons such as maintaining my health, calming my mind, and tidying up my appearance, I chose to take a hot bath. However, after taking a bath, I found that there were no new clothes to change into. This was undoubtedly a... mistake."

"I thought so much beforehand but still made a mistake, so I was very unhappy."

Xia Song's thoughts wandered slightly. He thought about Luo Ling and the smiling Yu Lan. That guy was indeed more thoughtful than him - he wasn't jealous, he just felt a little awkward because This silent care and... pampering.

"...?"

Qin Yuqiao suddenly caught a glimpse of a small surging pink solid circle, and she tilted her head in confusion.

"——But in fact, this assessment will not add or subtract points because of what I wear, and I don't need to maintain any dignity. In other words, my worries and anxieties at the time were purely for myself. ." Xia Song returned to the topic.

"That's right." Qin Yuqiao nodded lightly.

Xia Song exhaled a breath of turbid air.

"We just said that 'pathological perfectionism will cause you to unconsciously magnify the small parts infinitely'."

Qin Yuqiao's voice was soft, "Among these, 'things that do not meet expectations' are particularly obvious. You regard them as mistakes and errors, and magnify their objective impact from 1 to 100 through your subjective mind, insisting on going your own way. I think this flaw will definitely affect the whole and determine the final outcome.”

"Then you start getting anxious before it even starts or while it's going on."

"Like this bathrobe you're wearing."

"...Hmm." Xia Song responded in a muffled voice, reaching out and rubbing his temples, "Similar situations include you deliberately ignoring my questions - it's intentional, right?"

"Yes." Qin Yuqiao answered honestly, "I'm sorry."

"Words are deliberately ignored. This is one of the more common situations where people feel offended. But your sullenness is more about 'in your expectation, I'm not valued' than your personal existence." would answer the question head-on, and I didn't."

"So I felt irritated because things didn't develop as I thought." Xia Song continued.

He added: "Then, I can't help but wonder in my heart: Does the lack of reply mean that my question should not have arisen, or whether my question in turn reduces my points in this assessment."

"However, you sensed something was wrong at that time." Qin Yuqiao said, "This is rare."

"This is not something worthy of praise." Xia Song sighed, "There are already so many reminders, it would be too..."

"No, this is something very worthy of praise."

Qin Yuqiao interrupted him, "Look, here we go again, the standard you set for yourself is 'I am a person with high overall quality and strong comprehensive ability', and under such a standard, the subtext will It becomes: 'Being sensitive is what I should do'."

"Then, even if something happens in the future that you think you should notice but fail to notice in time, you will find fault with yourself because in your heart, you didn't even do what you should have done."

A low, slightly hoarse voice sounded exactly like the voice Xia Songzhi made when facing the sink:

"-'Too bad'."

Xia Song's head rubbed back into the shadow of the sofa little by little.

"I'm starting to hate you," he said weakly.

Qin Yuqiao chuckled.

"Is this an assessment? This is overcoming a tribulation." Xia Song then complained feebly, "The inner demon is overcoming a tribulation."

"There's nothing wrong with that statement." Qin Yuqiao replied calmly.

"ha……"

Xia Song exhaled weakly, moved out weakly, and covered his face on the coffee table.

"Let's finish everything else." He said in a long, soft voice, "Lest I be too embarrassed to sleep tonight."

"...Turns out he is the type who will act like a spoiled brat after being thoroughly seen through."

"Shut up."

Xia Song's ears turned red, "Only the teacher and Shi Yan have the privilege of saying this."

Qin Yuqiao laughed twice: "Okay, I'll withdraw."

"So, back to the topic." She suppressed a smile, "The strategy to deal with pathological perfectionism is: tell yourself that completion is more important than perfection."

"This is just your debut concert. Although it is important, it is just a starting point. Mr. Xia Song, accidents will always come, and plans cannot change quickly. You have to allow yourself not to do your best, because everyone has something left for themselves. The freedom and right to room for advancement.

“If you reach your limit all at once, you will have to break through it every time in the future. If things go on like this, the challenges you face will become bigger and bigger, and the pressure you will face will also increase.

“Anxiety and insecurity can crush you.”

The solid wood coffee table said "hmm".

"One more thing, and one last thing."

There was another sound of pages turning from Qin Yuqiao's side, "You use plans to control everything and ensure that everything goes according to the planned steps, including yourself. However, the more restrained you are, the more you will want to find a breakthrough in your heart. ”

"Do you know about the High Place Phenomenon?"

"The higher a person stands, the more he wants to jump down?" Xia Song said.

"Yes. From a psychological point of view, when people are extremely afraid of something, they will make it happen to obtain spiritual relief.

“You don’t want anything to happen to the people you care about and love deeply, and you don’t want them to be hurt by negative situations that may occur, so you spontaneously want to curb all signs of danger.

“However, the more you think like this, the more you will be driven by the extreme fear deep in your heart to actively and unconsciously do some actions that you subconsciously think may destroy everything.

"Just like... provoking Luo Ling."

Xia Song closed his eyes.

“Just like a person who is on a diet to lose weight will suddenly collapse and overeat at a certain moment, the first thing your perfectionism traps is yourself as the subject. Under this extreme desire for control, the first and last thing you trap is yourself. It will be you who wants to break free from this control."

"Mr. Xia Song."

Qin Yuqiao said gently, "It's okay without forcing it."

There was a long silence.

The large and small blocks of emotional color are like an ocean assembled from building blocks, surging with waves with sharp edges. They collide fiercely, like gear sets that cannot fit together perfectly, leaving deep blue scars on each other.

Qin Yuqiao raised her hand to cover her heart. She felt conflict and struggle, and she also felt a chipping like paint on the wall peeling off.

This quiet, painful process lasted for a long time.

Finally, Qin Yuqiao smelled the unique fresh smell of the earth after the rain. It was the sound of tears sliding down his cheeks, and the deep and shallow green lingered in the soft soil.

"……I see."

Xia Song raised his head from the coffee table. His voice was very tired, but it still contained a little smile.

"Thank you for your cooperation, allowing me to get off work early. I have to say that such an unexpected surprise is really surprising." Qin Yuqiao said meaningfully.

The sound of the violin kissed the end of her voice, which was a gentle and gentle melody.

When Xia Song wiped away the tears from the corners of her eyes and turned around, the evaluator and her violin had disappeared.

He hesitated for a moment, then walked over and picked up the clip on the chair.

Page after page.

It's all blank paper.

"…………"

With a "pop" sound, Xia Song covered his face and let out intermittent helpless laughter from his palms.

what.

So... so cunning.

7200+, four-in-one updates from 12.17~12.20. The reason why I am missing 800 words is because I wanted to break the chapter here. The number of words will be made up in the next chapter.