I Can't Sleep, so I'll Tell You some Sudden News.

Don't worry, everyone. I will update 8,000 words every day. After all, living people need to eat.

I couldn't sleep because I tossed and turned. My wife and children were already asleep, so I could only write it out. Maybe I could fall asleep.

It was past midnight. At 11:10 last night, my grandmother passed away in her hometown of Xiaogan, Hubei.

In the second half of last year, esophageal cancer recurred and spread. The doctor said that there was only three months left, so I took my son back to let the old man see the fourth generation. Because my cousins ​​were not married yet, they were the only fourth generation at present.

When I went back at that time, my grandmother was fine. She was just very thin. She could still walk and eat a little, but the lump under her neck was getting bigger and bigger.

Later, when I went back for the Chinese New Year, my grandmother was already lying in bed and couldn't get out of bed. My uncle bought an oxygen concentrator and was always breathing oxygen. My mother went there every afternoon to help take care of her and help wash her body.

I survived the Chinese New Year, but it was very painful. I needed to take that kind of analgesic medicine. It was very strict to take out the medicine from the hospital.

When I was a child, my grandmother brought me up in the first and second grades. At that time, my parents were busy with business and there were many human traffickers, so there was nothing we could do.

My grandmother believed in Buddhism and ate vegetarian food all her life.

When I was a child, she would tell me and my cousin some myths and stories about the cycle of good and evil.

The clearest memory is that my grandmother said that if we saw small fish and shrimps by the pond when we went home from school, it was the ghost looking for a substitute, and we would be pulled down if we went there...

Now that I think about it, it was because she was afraid that we would play in the water. After all, three of my childhood friends drowned in the reservoir opposite the village entrance.

In addition... Actually, what I was thinking was...

Maybe my grandmother no longer believed in her former beliefs at the end of her life.

After all, she ate vegetarian food all her life, but in the end, she developed esophageal cancer because she kept eating pickles.

After the confirmed operation, my grandmother stopped eating vegetarian food.

Finally...

I remember that my cousin died of suffocation in 2019 because of epilepsy at night. No one found him. I cried a lot that day. Although I couldn't sleep tonight, I didn't cry.

Even... I was relieved.

Maybe you will scold me, and I am scolding myself, whether I am a little cold-blooded.

After all, when I went back home for the Chinese New Year and saw my grandmother in pain and her face with only bones left, I cried silently for a long time.

But now, I am relieved.

Maybe it is because living like that is too painful, or maybe it is because living like that will make other living people suffer?

But really, everyone, I have realized the true meaning of a sentence.

[There is no filial son in front of a long-term sick bed]

I am thinking now, maybe one day I will be like this, then what will I do?

Thanks to my years of experience in reading novels, I heard that you can burn charcoal?

...

The sun will rise as usual tomorrow, the children's tuition fees still need to be paid, and the expenses still need to be paid.

So, maybe I have become rational.

Or maybe, it was because I saw that my grandmother was in so much pain at that time, and death was also a relief for her.