Chapter 772: "Older"

Alas, it would be nice if I hadn’t watched "Awkward"...

Zhou Jiaqian thought about it and smiled to herself, wondering what nonsense she was talking about.

She knew in her heart that the film was really well shot. Although it put her in a difficult position now, it also reminded her of how painful it was from a child's perspective.

Yes, my son must be feeling aggrieved now. After all, as a mother, I scolded him angrily at the school gate without asking any questions.

Zhou Jiaqian sighed again. This time, as a mother, she felt guilty for her child.

After a while, she turned on her desktop computer and looked for the URL in the favorites column.

That was the live broadcast room that Zhou Jiaqian accidentally discovered. There seemed to be no one in it. There was only a cartoon character humming a melody without words. It was very comfortable and peaceful.

Her eyes can't stand looking at the phone for too long, so she likes things that can be listened to in the background.

Now that I'm in a bad mood, it would be good to listen to it and take it easy.

Familiar chanting sounds floated out from the small speakers, and Zhou Jiaqian sighed, exhausted.

She originally planned to listen for a while, but when she felt less uncomfortable, she got up to wash the dishes and mop the floor, and took a pack of her son's favorite spicy sticks to apologize to him. But she was too tired now and really didn't want to move.

I sat paralyzed and listened until more than ten minutes later, the huge shiny fox beast on the screen suddenly changed.

It slowly stood up from its prone position, and some fireflies surrounding it with ID names on them scattered around.

【? ? 】

[What happened, you thought I was dazzled]

[Is it originally an animation? 】

【Ah ah ah do you want to transform? Assault live broadcast? ! 】

[I quickly went to the group chat with Aite’s relatives and friends——! 】

People who were also working in the live broadcast room noticed the changes in the screen, and fans who were more familiar with virtual anchors immediately became excited, and the barrage pool was much livelier than before.

The fox beast stood up, and the soft and furry tail that was originally trailing behind him suddenly gathered a ball of light. The light was not dazzling, but it was eye-catching enough.

Zhou Jiaqian said "Huh", a little confused about the situation.

She doesn't often watch live broadcasts. She only knows that the live broadcast room of this account called "乐武YQ" often plays nice humming sounds, so she opens it from time to time to listen.

The unexpected change briefly attracted Zhou Jiaqian's attention. She looked at the screen as if watching a cartoon, watching the big snow-white fox grow a second fluffy tail.

[Lewu has been upgraded]

【Big fox! ! ! 】

[So soft and cute QwQ, I really want to rush over and bury it...]

[Does Firefly’s instructions still work? take off! 】

[Take off, take off]

[Let me see what I caught up with! 】

【Has the great fox god become a two-tailed fox todayヾ(▽)ノ】

[Waiting for Brother Ah Hui to show up, the social beast has been tired for another day and needs the live version of "So I Didn't Wash My Hair"]

There were many barrages floating on the screen. Zhou Jiaqian looked confused and a little funny, but also raised a little childish expectation.

The fox beast's two tails swayed slowly. I don't know whether the painting was too detailed or the technique was far beyond ordinary people. It looked extremely vivid, as if such a strange creature really lived in this screen.

The beautiful and elegant appearance and fluffy fur are as healing as a wonderful cute pet video. Just watching it gradually calms down.

The big fox slowly turned its direction, from facing the side to facing the screen, then raised its muzzle, and let out a string of melodious moans that were different from the voice just now.

Zhou Jiaqian raised her eyes in surprise. She liked the fox beast's usually ethereal and clear voice, but she also felt that the new voice had an extra sense of reality for some reason, and seemed to sound closer to him.

The fluorescent light gathered, and the singing fox beast was gradually wrapped into a gentle and bright cocoon of light. Then the light cocoon gradually changed, becoming more and more like the outline of a human.

Boom...

It seemed that the sound of the piano fell neither lightly nor heavily.

After a while, a similar sound sounded again. With each sound, the radiant human figure became clearer, and the fluorescent forest behind him also changed accordingly.

The barrage was already very lively at this time, and Zhou Jiaqian couldn't see through it, so she looked for the buttons and turned them all off, leaving only a clean picture.

Not long after, the "person" on the screen completely revealed his true appearance.

She had long hair, and she looked like a real person or a dummy in comics. Her face was obviously quite young, but when she looked at those eyes, Zhou Jiaqian felt a familiar aura, as if she was just like him, but she looked different. Despite his age, he has actually experienced a lot.

They looked at each other through a screen.

It's strange that it's just a fake character like an illustration, but Zhou Jiaqian can read the content from her gentle eyes and expression.

It's a feeling similar to..."inclusion".

The piano played again, and two lines of words appeared in the middle and lower part of the screen. The fonts were clear and easy to read.

After a while, the woman in the picture gently opened her lips.

"I used to shut my door, when my mother screamed in the kitchen."

[I once closed the door tightly to block out my mother’s sharp screams in the kitchen]

"I'd turn the music up, get high and try not to listen."

[I turned the music up as hard as I could, trying to immerse myself in it and not listen to the sounds outside the door]

"To every little fight."

【This is how to avoid every quarrel between parents】

"'Cause neither one was right."

【Because both of them are wrong】

This is the first foreign song that Zhou Jiaqian cannot understand at once.

But perhaps it was precisely because of this that when she listened to the song that was like a slow flowing spring water, she was able to focus more on the translated lyrics and subtitles.

In the picture, the woman in the form of a fox beast lowers her eyes and sings in a low voice. Her slightly hoarse voice has a special paper texture, like opening a book of time, and gently touching the slightly curled paper at the corners with her fingertips. touching.

Zhou Jiaqian's breathing was a little heavy. She was pulled by the singing and lyrics, recalling the time when she was helpless when her parents quarreled.

She seemed to be able to see a little girl sitting upright, lowering her head and working hard on her homework, for fear of being suddenly angered and being burned by the flames of war; she could see a teenage girl putting on headphones and turning the MP3 volume to the maximum, trying to cover up the harsh quarrel, even if My ears and head were stinging from the shock, but I couldn't bear to turn down the volume; I could also see a college student in his twenties who was irritated and sad because of the scoldings coming and going outside the room, so he could only huddle in the bed and pretend to be asleep. , but the tears flowed down uncontrollably.

"I swore I'd never be like them."

【I swear I will never become like them】

"But I was just a kid back then."

【But I was just a child at that time】

Zhou Jiaqian's eyes suddenly turned red.

"Swear to never become like my parents"... Yes, she used to think so too.

She never wanted to be as sensitive, irritable, and neurotic as her mother, and she never wanted to marry a man as rude, selfish, and inconsistent as her father.

But how serious is the impact on the original family?

Even though Zhou Jiaqian has grown up and started working, she is still incredibly contradictory. On the one hand, she is too slow to understand other people's emotions, and on the other hand, she is extremely fragile and sharp.

If she hadn't been lucky enough to meet her husband, she might never have learned how to love someone well and be loved by him throughout her life.

The accompaniment disappeared for a moment, leaving only the woman's ethereal and graceful voice.

Immediately afterwards, the drums joined in, but the melody was not intense. It still gently supported the vocals and turned into the chorus.

"The older I get, the more that I see."

[As we get older, we gain more experience]

"My parents aren't heroes, they're just like me."

[I realized that my parents are not heroes, they are just ordinary people like me]

"And loving is hard, it don't always work."

[And giving love is difficult, not everyone can persist in doing it]

"You just try your best not to get hurt."

[You can only try your best to protect yourself from harm]

Zhou Jiaqian pressed her chest and lowered her eyebrows.

This is exactly what she realized today. Just like her mother was to her, just like she was to her son.

It’s not that they no longer love each other, it’s that the love parents have for their children has been temporarily suspended due to exhaustion from work, social life or other external things.

After all, it's really hard to love someone wholeheartedly all the time.

We are all ordinary people. We all feel uncomfortable and tired, and there are times when we cannot muster the strength to love others.

Zhou Jiaqian also understood in her heart that although she lived in an ordinary family, she was not like Liang Susu who lacked love from childhood to adulthood.

She remembers her father bending down to let her ride a big horse, and she also remembers her mother secretly cooking her favorite dish and bringing it out of the kitchen as a surprise to celebrate her admission to the best high school in the city.

A family is always full of ups and downs, with love and resentment intertwined.

The reason is simply that we are all ordinary people, and no one is the ideal and perfect hero.

Zhou Jiaqian's thoughts drifted away, and when she came back to her senses, the next verse of the verse had already begun to be sung.

Realizing that she seemed to have missed a climax, Zhou Jiaqian was surprised and a little helpless, but her mood was not that impatient. Perhaps because the voice and melody were full of tolerance and gentleness, she also put down her harsh judgment on herself and became much more relaxed.

"I used to wonder why, why they could never be happy."

[I used to be confused as to why my parents always looked so unhappy]

However, when the first sentence appeared, Zhou Jiaqian inevitably smiled bitterly.

How could it be so real!

She immediately realized, yes, would this be what her son saw about her and her lover?

The two of them, running between work and family, rarely smile to their children...

"I used to close my eyes, and pray for a whole 'nother family."

[I once closed my eyes and prayed that I could live in another family]

“Where everything was fine.”

[A family where everything went well]

“One that felt like mine.”

[A family that made me feel like belonging]

“I swore I'd never be like them.”

[I swore I would never be like them]

“But I was just a kid back then.”

[But I was just a kid back then]

The heart seemed to have become a harp, and Zhou Jiaqian resonated with her heartstrings every time the woman in the picture sang a sentence.

When she was a child, she did think so.

She was sad about her parents' quarrels every other day, sad about their accusations against her, always thinking "If only I could be born in another harmonious and beautiful family", "I really don't want such parents"... But in the end, she already understood that a perfect family does not exist in this world.

Another chorus surged like a tide, Zhou Jiaqian lifted one leg and stepped on the chair, hugged this knee and hummed softly along with the melody.

The image created by this song is very wonderful, just like the singer's voice and image, it seems real, as if telling one's own life experience, and it seems ethereal, like the current self floating in the air and examining the past.

It seems to have magic, like a ray of sunlight passing through the ruins, illuminating the broken walls, and coating the mottled broken walls with warm colors. It is an indescribable, small shock. Zhou Jiaqian's impetuous and tired heart calmed down and took a break from the self-pull just now.

"I used to be mad, but now I know."

[I used to have resentment in my heart, but now I understand]

"Sometimes it's better to let someone go."

[Sometimes the better choice is to let him go]

"It just hadn't hit me yet."

[It's just that I hadn't experienced these at the time]

"The older I get."

[I only understood all this when I grew up]

The climax of the second half that was missed by distraction before was completed at this time. Zhou Jiaqian looked at the lyrics on the screen and slowly blinked her eyes.

A better choice is to let him go...

She could see the barrage pool jumping up layer by layer on the side, and she also saw many people sharing their family experiences, or being sad, sighing, thanking "Music Witch" for comfort, or reflecting, being grateful, and being considerate of their parents.

Zhou Jiaqian subconsciously wanted to refute. She resisted the idea that "'understanding parents' is the right thing, and every child will end up like this", even though she is now a mother.

Then, the song said to her softly and firmly:

It's okay, let him go.

It's okay not to forgive, and it's okay not to want to understand.

It's difficult to have a clear right and wrong between parents and children. No one or anything forces you to reach a reconciliation with your parents and yourself.

It's okay to have no answer, it's all in the past, let it go, let it go.

Zhou Jiaqian sniffed and lowered her head.

Her eyes were red, but she didn't cry. Because this song is not tear-jerking, nor is it sentimental, it just flows past her ears lightly and with tolerance, and injects into her heart.

If Qin Yuqiao could have a direct conversation with her daughter, now her mother, she would gently hold her hands and let her know:

The power of acceptance is more important than comfort, encouragement and guidance.

It is not "what you want to do" or "what you should do", but a gentle smile saying to you, "It's okay, you can be like this now."

Zhou Jiaqian felt an indescribable sense of security.

It was just a song, just a virtual person she didn't know, but it made her feel at ease at this moment, letting go of the pressure and pressure on herself, and being able to relax and breathe steadily.

Just then, a slight "creak" sound came.

Zhou Jiaqian turned around and saw her son, who looked like a little carrot, standing awkwardly by the door that had been opened a crack.

"Mom." He raised his eyes carefully, "I, I washed the dishes and finished my homework."

"When school was over today, I saw Teacher Wang from the next class holding a pile of exercise books and papers, which were difficult to carry, so I went to help her. I forgot to tell you..."

The little boy lowered his head and twisted his fingers: "I'm sorry, I made you worry."

Zhou Jiaqian's tears that had not fallen for a long time fell "swish".

She rushed over in small steps, opened the door, squatted down to hug her child, and stroked the back of his head with her palm.

"I'm sorry, Qiangqiang, it's not your fault, it's just that mom is too anxious."

Zhou Jiaqian's cheek pressed against her son's forehead, "Mom shouldn't criticize you without asking anything. I was very tired at work today, and I didn't control my emotions well, so I got angry at you."

She let go of the child, smiled at him with tears in her eyes, and said softly:

"Mom forgives Qiangqiang for going to do other things without saying hello. Now mom apologizes to you, will you forgive mom too?"

The boy's originally anxious eyes gradually calmed down under Zhou Jiaqian's sincere gaze. He blinked his eyes, said "OK" obediently, and leaned over to stick to his mother.

"Mom, don't cry, Dad will feel bad if you cry."

He clumsily stretched out his palm to wipe Zhou Jiaqian's tears, "I promised Dad that I would take good care of you when he is not at home."

Zhou Jiaqian burst into laughter and kissed her son's forehead loudly.

People often say that the misfortune of the original family will continue to the next generation of the family. Zhou Jiaqian herself just reflected on this. She inevitably felt disappointed with herself who was very similar to her mother at the moment, and lost some confidence in the future.

But now, she held her son's hand and walked towards the snack basket, and suddenly felt that the past was nothing.

Her child is still young, and she can also let go of her knot and try to be a mother who is more gentle, patient, and reasonable than her mother.

Then, starting from her son's generation, she and her husband will give their children a home where their hearts won't stop when they accidentally break dishes or spill drinks, where they won't feel short of breath or depressed.

A harmonious and happy, real home.

4600+

BGM for this chapter: Sasha Alex Sloan - Older

Lyrics and music: Henry Agincourt Allen/Danny Silberstein/Alexandra Yatchenko